I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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