A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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