My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
