you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
