This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
