Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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