saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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