you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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