I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
