he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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