I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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