Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
