i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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