I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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