All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
