Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize