all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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