i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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