this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
