Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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