This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
