If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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