shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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