Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to make out with him forever
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
