my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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