im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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