I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
