so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
