my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
