okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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