I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
