My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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