This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
