He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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