I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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