Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
