margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
