I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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