Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
