textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize