I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
