OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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