Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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