Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
where are my eyebrows?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
