So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
its liver damage thursday
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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