we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
