oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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