mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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