your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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