Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
