Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I could fuck to npr.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
