3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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