They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
