she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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