Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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