Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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