watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
