everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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