btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
