Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
