I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
