Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
