and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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