There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize